I wrote this post yesterday (and added the photos today). It was a good day…
Today, right now, I am feeling just so happy. The kind of warm, tingly happy where you can’t stop smiling and you might feel like skipping. I don’t know if this is because we had a really good day or because my mental state is just that good or because I had my first coffee in almost a month (an Americano with a few glugs of soy milk) and I have a healthy dose of caffeine coursing through me. It’s probably the latter, but let’s pretend not, mmmkay?
Allow me to share some happy things:
These are the pretty flowers my new neighborhood friend brought me after she learned that Buddy died early last week. They are still alive and beautiful, displayed in our living room. They make me smile for three reasons: they are pretty, they remind me of my boy, and because I am thankful to have made such a thoughtful and kind new friend.
This is our attempt at a selfie. I don’t do selfies. I have this problem of hating every single picture of myself for the past six years. You can see that I still look red and not all that great, but things are better than they were a month ago and, more importantly, I feel much better than I did a month ago. When I feel better, I’m happier. (Duh.) Thus, a selfie. FYI, selfies are very awkward. I guess I could never be Kim K.
Since Caroline was born, I’ve spent more time looking at old pictures of Charlotte. Usually I notice how much she has grown up over time, but this year was different. She grew up more gradually as a three year-old, and I didn’t notice it as acutely until I looked back at my pictures of her from last winter. She looks so much older now – taller, sassier, wiser – and I really feel like I am losing my baby for good now. Luckily she is growing into a smart, funny, curious, and adorable little girl, so I can’t spend too much time crying into my pillow.
On the same note….having another baby in the house has definitely softened the blow of Charlotte having grown up into a nearly 4 year-old. I’m frankly too busy changing diapers and bouncing my finicky Caroline to think too hard about all that nostalgic stuff that I normally would be obsessing over.
Oh Caroline. I love you SO much. Who would have thought you could love yet another child just as much as the one you already have? I mean, I knew I would love you, of course, and I never worried that I wouldn’t. But still. The way your heart grows with your next child is astounding. It doesn’t matter one iota that you aren’t quite as easy-peasy as infant-Charlotte was – I enjoy you every bit as much and I think you are wonderfully perfect and I will love you forever and ever and ever. You are a mama’s girl and I hope that never changes.
Tonight we are going to go out for dinner, which is something we haven’t done much of since August. And even though I’ll probably only be able to order one thing off the menu thanks to my really fun and strict new eating plan, I am still excited because it feels like such a treat. Hurray for Fridays!