Month 13 off the ‘roids (ha) hasn’t been too kind. My skin took a few steps back in recent weeks.
See my arms:
Much worse than my last update, right? I KNOW.
These pictures show my arms recently “greased up” with all my moisturizers. Otherwise my skin is dry dry dry, even more so than usual (which hardly seems possible to me) . I don’t have pictures of the rest of my body, but you can get the idea.
Some people I’ve met on facebook and the ITSAN forum describe the withdrawal like a roller coaster, and I’ve heard others say that healing “takes us one step forward and two steps back.” Others are a bit more forthright: this itchy bastard fucking sucks. I’d agree with all those people.
When I regress like this, the first couple of weeks are the most difficult. This is because every single time I get even a tiny bit better I become used to it instantly. After the initial shock and discomfort, I start to grow accustomed to my new normal until it all clears up a little more again.
Despite how long this is taking and how frustrating the unpredictability of it is, I feel more and more confident that all this will end for me. Sometimes I think about the if onlys and feel mad at myself. For example: if only I’d started my withdrawal when all this started 4.5 years ago I’d be long done with this by now. Or if only I hadn’t taken x, y, and z drugs along the way, because who knows how messed up my body’s going to be when I’m fifty.
Oh well. Hindsight is always 20/20. At least I can say that I really didn’t know. I really, really had no idea.