Setbacks

My blog is boring these days because my skin is a mess again. This means that I haven’t been taking pictures, I haven’t been leaving the house much aside from going to work each day, and I haven’t much felt like writing. Ugh.

I am not as bad as I was last summer and fall, but after eight weeks of feeling decent (I still can’t use the word good, unfortunately), it really sucks going backward.

Thankfully, my face is nowhere near as bad as it was months ago. It’s less red, irritated, and dry, and is much smoother overall. This past week I’ve dealt with some additional dryness/flakiness around my mouth (my problem zone) and forehead, but that’s about it on my face. The bulk of my issue right now are my torso and arms. My back and shoulders, in particular. It’s a dry, bumpy, cut-up mess. I am slathering on so much oil each day that I’m afraid of ruining my clothes, which is why I’ve been wearing Chris’s white Hanes t-shirts every day. Yes, to work. Good thing it’s winter and I can wear cardigans to (sort-of) cover them up.

While I am severely frustrated and find myself on the verge of a mental breakdown every morning before work, the calm, rational side of me knows that this is all part of the arduous healing process. In fact, so many people I’ve “met” on the online forum speak of late-stage flares after periods of mild breaks. I’m about to enter my tenth month of withdrawal, so I suppose I should feel comfort knowing that my symptoms, though hellish, aren’t out of the ordinary. After feeling like the only person in the universe dealing with these complex symptoms for a few years, the idea of fitting into someone else’s mold does console me.

While this post probably makes me sound quite depressed, I really am trying to stay happier this time around. I’m trying not to imagine an entire month (or winter) with skin like this, but rather focusing just on this one day, or one hour. When I actually do this, it does help. Another thing: I’ve been thinking about my happiness transcending my skin – that is, being happy regardless of whether I get better or not. For too long, my happiness has been hinged on how my skin is feeling each day, and I really hate that. I want to be able to say yes this awful, but I am still a happy person. This is easier for me to do now than it was a year ago.

Anyway, I know posts like this are not why anyone stops by this blog, but I need to say some of these things now so I have something to look back on. Even though I’ve done a good job convincing myself that, once this is all over, I just want to forget every last one of these bad days, that would be stupid. Then I might not remember how lucky I am.

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15 responses to “Setbacks

  1. Hi Katy! We are thinking of you… And also wanted to let you know that this post helped me today. We’re still struggling with Madeline’s sleep so I guess it’s somewhat similar that we know it’s a phase, we know (hope) it will pass, and that yes, there are other people that said that they have gone through the same thing and we’ve just got to ride it out. Love ya! BTW, we’re demolishing the rosemary oil. Obsessed! Thank you!

    • Thanks, Carla! I really hope Madeline gets this sleeping “nightmare” sorted out for you guys. I would be a wreck going to work every day with all that interrupted sleep! I’m so glad you enjoy the olive oil! xo!

  2. I do not like setbacks, but glad you’re sharing your feelings here. I do hope you look back at these entries and grow from them. I’m really happy to hear that your happiness is not as based on the condition of your skin, (compared to a year ago.) Progress!!
    Hold onto your last 2 sentences.
    Love you, Katy dear!

  3. I left out the “Aunt” in my comment above! πŸ™‚

  4. It seems so unfair that you have to deal with this for so long before you are cured. (yes, cured!) However unfair and so uncomfortable, just keep telling yourself that there is a light at the end of this tunnel. Your skin will heal and this will all be a distant memory. One you will never forget, yet so far away. Hang in there my sweet girl. xoxo

  5. Katy ~ So sorry to hear that yo are having a bit of a tough time again….Please know that I am thinking of you and hoping things turn around once again for you QUICKLY!! You deserve to be happy and healthy and I feel certain that is just around the corner for you!! Love ya!! Bobbie

  6. What your mom said! You will get through this, you are one tough young lady! Love you, sweet Katy.

  7. I can’t imagine how frustrating this must feel. You have a great perspective. Just keep reminding yourself of that in the lowest moments. Want to play Maple Town? That should cheer you up! πŸ™‚

  8. I absolutely relate, I find myself feeling SO depressed when my skin is bad, and as soon as it’s better I’m fine! I am trying so hard to not let my skin drive my happiness, but like you said, it’s very hard. Every time I look in the mirror I kind of want to cry, but hanging in there!

    I was glad to read your post today, not because I wish you suffering but because it helps to know I’m not the only one with these issues/feelings. Thanks for your honesty and candidness!

    • And thank YOU for your comment! I totally understand what you mean about feeling comforted hearing someone else’s story — I feel like that all the time. I am typically hesitant to write about my skin/health issues, but when I do, I always feel better partially due to the nice comments from people who know what I’m going through. Wishing you wellness!

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